Book of Wine & Seizures by WC Smith Book 6 The Industrious Godowner- Ch 4 Good Sarcastus Visiteth

The Journal of Provincial Thought

luminance

Good Sarcastus Visiteth

nd it came to pass that Sarcastus did come in from his wandering with a yen to visit, being the greatest friend of Siriul Merta. ’Twas said of him, Sarcastus were a sure

apple in the eye of Dragons, bringing to them the gifts of bloodroot and weaselmeat, and so passing unrent through the dual dooming walls. But the secret mind of Sarcastus lay steept in misgiving, for in truth venturd he rootless, nor ne’er had he toucht no weaselmeat; and he feard no less than any man lest he be espied by some dire young chompf-dragon which shud beset upon him for some slap & swallow.

And they sat & discuss-ed them old friends’ times. And Siriul Merta said unto him, How goeth fortune, Sarcas? And Sarcastus answerd and said, With mine enemies, Siriul Merta; Forchune goeth with mine enemies. And they smote upon the table with laffing; and the hand of Merta was hurted. But he bore on, and said unto Sarcastus, How be thy daughter Nightcapf? And Sarcastus replied, saying, Nightcap is dead.

And Siriul Merta said again unto him, Well, then, how fine be thine health in these days? Be it wonderful? And Sarcastus said, I am well, Merta, well; tho I have caught that disease which causeth my bones to split. Hast thou any worse?

And Siriul Merta waxt sober, causing Sarcastus the thoght, Hither cometh now a tsunami of sympathy and concerns o’er my splitting bones. But Siriul Merta in deep gravidy did say, Thou mayst well to know, Sarcastus, that I have no wage now; true, so extremily true. But, there

Dragon ill.- Crushing rageous belief that dragons-- c 2007 W Schafer

is even a more furious tragedie of my life, which is, that in all things which I have done, I have proovd too muche able. My recent work in lentils hath persuadnd me that I can outman most men in most matters. Just thatte goode am I. And so now—this is the tragedie—I cannot settle on that certain thing which I might enjoy most to do, out from outen all those other things sure to fetch me glory & comely consort.

And Sarcastus said, Thou art too good, Siriul Merta. And they sat for an while in silence. And by & by Sarcastus spake and said, What then is thy prime hankering, Siriul Merta: to have glory, and comely consort, or to bring bread to the table? (And he spreaden his arms in respect of the enormius feast which Merta hath pile’t up twixt them.)

And Siriul Merta answerd and said, Well, I wud grab me a gout of glory, soothy-sooth; but also wud I bring bread to the table in copious quantities too great to eat, which must be tosst out for their obscene abundance. Also, brothre, wud I take to cupboard an few forbidden swinesfeet, aye! (Haste not unto the dogma dobber, that he come & arrest me here. For I shall swear to him that I wud have the foots only to hoard as the guilt trove & privlege of a rich man and to enjoy their forbiddenness in the crock, surely notte to eat them atall! Yet, later, in my solitude, with no dobber about, then wud I fall slathering upon them, and eat them, and savor the extremity of their circumstance & mine, saying, Siriul Merta, this prosperity sitteth well upon thee. Yea, thou stridest o’er their laws on thine whimn, and hast thine own codes, unsubjeck to that of the common run.)

And Sarcastus said unto him, Siriul Merta, thou hast an unclean bent about thee, it do seem.

And Siriul Merta answerd and said, Clean bents are for mothers of children and for molyless churls who in their ridicolis poverties can buy no justiss before the law, who so must flee the prospects of legal life, knowing they cannot prevail against quality. Clean bents ride fine with these. Moreover, such termy as clean belongeth unto their tongue, neither unto the tongue of prosperitay. Thou betrayest thine own mediocor pedigree, Sarcastus.

And his friend answerd and said, Well that thou hast afforded unto me such much fine fruit at this sitting, Siriul Merta, lest my pedigree ordain that I rise up and put an end to thee, hap stomping out thy guts, or hap removing thy foreskin & head with one storybook plunk. But, fruit is fruit, and ’twere like as thou hast apologize’d in advance, ere the indignity, with this fruitflesh. ’Tis said that I am the fairest man in the so-callt world (what is this world?)—fair in the way of justice, not beauty, tho beside thee I suppose that I do shine. There were one hap as fair. But good to say, he liveth outwheres in the Extra Reach of Rector, and so factoreth not, for its locatien cannot be known.

And Siriul Merta were hung with an stern face. And he said, An thou come at me, Sarcastus, and thou wudst play hell doing as thou hast describe’d. For I my self am a mighty warrior—which I marvel thou hast not heard—besides being a previus lentil personalidy about the field of Envincius & his mother, which fired me away for mine appearance of wholeness, considring her own disquiet. An thou come at me with thine intended preemptic strike, shalt thou draw back nubs; and then I shall call a symposium, to draw up priorities as to where upon

thy person I shall prick first, and second, and fourth with my sharpend pike, and on to thousandth.

And Sarcastus said, An littel of preventativ ignorense is neither enogh to save thee. Away, thou scare tactition. Thou art dreaming about the nubs. If an nubs enter into’t, as where fingers get cat off, leaving nubs, they were thine. I have this thin star of sharp iron, callt the sting pentacol, that I throw. And from across this room, to see’t sunk threepoint into thy broad & beaming forehead as a perfeck apex in triangol with thy gaping hoofer’s eyes, this were delight enow just to consider.

And Siriul Merta came on and said, Consider that thou wilt, Sarcastus, but also considor this: When that thou hast flung thy substanderd tin trinket at me, and I have batted it straight again at thee with this mighty masted carnagecudgel of purest thunderwood temperd by the burning blood of threescore quintilliens of demons when a portien of hell fuse-ed and imploded into interstitial space (and also explodnd into extrostitial space, the two stitial spaces being one & the same) o’er where the Yutters of Fleem have since move’d in, ruled by Freelin the Fudge—and the cudgel is calld a ! cudgel—and so smitten, thy trinket breaketh in twain, and one sticketh in each of thine eyes so that thou maw’st about asking guidance from the premises, then, ’twill be a blessing that thou see not what I have on line to do next unto thee, Dragen-egg, for it riseth a chill. Now. Retort not, lest I up offen this chair and put thee through a wall, and squeeze from thy twisted corpse ev’ry dropf of repayment for the meal & for the long friendshipf I have squandard upon thee.

But Sarcastus Do (as he were knewn in some parts) were not about retorting notte; and he seize-ed the carnagecudgel, and tare he off its mainmast, and busten its astrolabe, and brake he the cudgel acrosst his knee, saying, Here then is thy ! cudgel, smoker of stableheap; what hast thou besides to launch out at me out upon thy high sea of foolish speculatiens? Come, Merta; I have been about, and lernt the motiens of devastatien. I have twistnd men’s heads right offen their stalks. I can destroy thee in passing.

And Siriul Merta rose and smote Sarcastus with the back of his left hand, and the jolly visitant did fall down dead upon the floor. And Siriul Merta was grievd, for that Sarcas had been his deep friend; and also wud tedius inquiries be made.

And he rememberd him self saying, I am a mighty warrior. And now felt he a billowing of pride, saying, Per hap I am. For Sarcastus with his death star & histry of headrippery were forsooth an elementol power; and lo, Merta hath slain him with little more than a gesture of rebuttal. And Siriul Merta did move the body of Sarcastus out upon the street, where it might be seen by men, that they might realize the warrior attribute of Siriul Merta, and pass by with fear and respect.

But say; men did but murmur the more, for that their impedence in their way was only increast as they climb-ed across this and the other bodies which were cast here & about in the street.