2.

A Fatalidy Dunk Affordeth Sport

oode aulde towne Nader, lying by & by upon the river Larum, which floweth from the east and buoyeth along the wastes of Psiam—goode, goode aulde towne, that

suffereth ridicule & notoriedy, and is shunnd by the perpondrance of humenkind—Nadre, sure, ’tis goode, and aulde.  And those in Nader draw drink from the Larum, and in their quaffing do enjest those Psiamic wastes; and waste-sotten, many have lost their minds, and the minds of their belov-ed.  And when that a man’s minds have forsaken him, so nexte do his loveless lovers & crew, taking with them his furniteur & wares.  And all his simpol longing for dignity amid a great distress must settle for scratch.  And he is scuttld & cut from the big sociedy, being deemd a noxius blotch, an hideous facsimile of a pal.  Quick they despise him, who thoght they lov-ed him; quick he loseth up his soul to the Buff Rummy, that soulsearcher callt Devol, callt Dazer Doublehorn.  Yea, unto him who hath lost his minds to fould drinkage, the real losing hath but commenst.

            ow.  Deep in the night, a certain Naderizite [Nə-deer-ə-zīt] callt Dirk did trip & pitch into the Larum.  And those there bare witness, saying, Dyrk shall surely drown, for he cannot swim, neither can he tread the water, and neither can he float. 

            And there came a loud voice saying, Dirk shall not surely drown, tho he can not swim, neither can he tread the water, and neither can he float.

            And some Saddusacs that were on hand marveld at these things, saying, How can it be that Durc shall not drown, seeing that he can not swim, neither can he tread the water, and neither can he float?

            And they brought them unto the precipice and lookt, and behold, a man there sat upon the water; and the same was Dirq, and the same was even the loud voice which spake, saying, Durck shall not surely drown, anyata, anyata.  Yet, the voice of Dirk shud to have flippt his mother outen her sarcofogis, so desolate ’twas, and soakt in pathotic pity of self.  And the gaining multitude observd, and perceiv-ed that he floaten there upon great mounds of cheesie waste that was come abobbing in from the east, where ro bots are bent to the cheesing industrie.  Now those eastren cheesiers, they hap be a-cheesing for giants, for their waste is great, and great is the waste of their greatness.

            And there came forth a wise man saying, As this man rideth the waste upon the water, so shall he break upon the rocks and spill into the sea.  And the multitude arose and went by the banks, and ran as Dirk did waft upon the Larum.

            And Dirk spake unto them, saying, I beseech you to send forth a plucker and deliver me from this trouble, and from this water, and from this waste.  For I am greatly troubld, and I am amidst the water, and I shift upon a churning waste.  And I feel a fear, and I sense a winnowing shadow like unto the descent of mine unbeing.  More over, such nonhumane talking from me but increaseth the terrer out here.  Pluck me, and restore the zazz unto my repartee.

            But the multitude rebuke’t him, saying, Who then are we, that we shud go begging & hiring after a pluckiner at this hour, for to deliver thee from thy trouble, and from thy waters, and from thy waste?  Are we not a dispiteous multitude, that we might lap up such thrilljoy as this sight might offer, and place wagers?  Nay, thou shalt not be deliverd, nor restore’d thy zazzy repartee; rather shalt thou to continue tensiond in this way, and we shall see what things might