5.
Commencements of Apocolypse

nd Tarvatillion & Wy-Kye the Utter (Wy-Kye, who hath stood in anger against the east wind and turnd it south forever, when that it rase and blay away his plate at a

            But Yabbal Oodie and Fae Leelay Ruttin did consulte they with the devil, who had taken sham employ at the marketstand of his prospective servant the flea-merchant Fecundus.  There the devil but pretenden to work, with muche footdraggage & bitter remonstratian, whilst en facte he work-ed on Fecundus him self.  For peopel & souls are the devil’s trade, and oft feigneth he an innerst in their moil, just for to gain his way upon their elbow.  And Yabbal Oodie & Fae Leelay, no strangers to his countenance, they went and spake with him; and came they again unto conteste with parrying words from the deval, which, tho these answert not the anjelgiven perplexities posed, did so obscure & turn them that they went limpf & died in the eyes of the judge, which were Tarvatillion him self—tho many of the daunting posers thus dispatcht were his own, precious of the dust anjol bestow’d.

            And after the first day of debating, and no one had died, went they weary away to rest, & to considre, & to say, What evil may we invoke, and through it, prevail?

            And it came to pass that on the morning of the second day came Wy-Kye the Outre with knives, thinking to debate with out questiens, & to peddle influences with metallic debate, thus to bringe home the manner of victorie unto the which he were wont.  But Fae Leelay Ruttin did with a sword meet him in the bog-house and did slice his ear, and he were thus deflected offen his inishitive.  O, Alas!  went Wy-Kye the Utter reeling alee, cursing aggressien, and crying for rags & poultices, and specolating in terror whethr he might be favord for living on.  And he swear-ed his intentiens unto proper deeds henceforth, shud he pull threw.  (Tho, some part in him insisten he were lying.)

            And when that Wy-Kye appear-ed at debate bound up in rags about his head, they drippfing yet of blood, and when that Tarvatillion seeth this, then saith the Slayer unto his contesters, Today shall Lae Feelay Rumpskin join me, steadsof our fellow the Utter.  And she & I shall carry on against these two, Oodie & the Bloody Udder (who somehow strange is smitten, yet we pray that soon ’twill pass).  For I wud to extend unto so many as possibol the chance to work with me.  Being (saith he) the fine standing rarity the which I am.  Now I have said it; let spew no envious disagreebis.

            Now, Yabbal Oodie the Bullstewer had not prepar-ed, being all night with writhing women sent in by Tarvatillion.  And Wy-Kye the Utter were rippt on drink, beside being

Litch:  the afflictien, or he who by it is gat afflicted.  Any man whom the gods disown may find erupting upon his person the ashen powdercakes, and creepfing in his enflamed flesh the green and purpel runnershoots, of litch; and by this doth he know himself a litch, and by this may as such be known.

            And a russoling of leaves was heard, and a scooting upon the tree, and an unseen form settleth upon the dust, saying, Master.  For this were Epididymos the invisibel litch, which sitteth up in the tree o’er the debate and droppeth down twiggings & other flotsams aroundabout upon Wy-Kye and Oodie, and causeth them vexatien & forgetness, and causeth them to swat about their heads and murmur, saying, ’Tis the prickling flies, attrackted by our spoilage in this heat.

            And Tarvatillion said, The judge of proceedings, which by kink of design is I, judgeth that Tarvatillion and Fae Leeolay O’Rutten have prevaild—which surpriseth me not, good competisien being tu muche to ask, these days.  Yea, ’tis a land & a time of excuse; have not I seen the great pretenders, & those of lesser mettle?

            And now (saith the Slayer), we the couplet champienne [kə shahn] shall stand against these perfeck losers here in some False Head, out on the field of endangerment.  For we folk o’er here in my land, we are bent to unrelent, pasting our opposers to their pages in the Everhumbling Book of Mud.  On, then.  The gaim, the gaim, says I!

            But Wy-Kye the Utter, an heroe of other times & tales, he riseth desolate upon his kneen, crying, Master, surely art thou king, & lord, & constabol, & the ideal accessery for the spinster with the mintage for the vintage.  Thou hast swept all here.  For we have cruncht some numbres, the stewer & I, and have calculize-ed our residual chance of prevailing subsoquənt unto the mudbookpasting we this day gat given.  ’Tis a chance remote & frail, ridicolis to the eye.  And say—this invisibol litch of thine, this hath shaken down our teetering resolve.

            And Tarvatillion came and said, What saist thou, man?

14.

            And he answerd & said unto him, Let us come and serve thee at thy table, and make as to the field no further mission.  We are feeling finisht.  For what shud we now take up bats and enter upon any False Head?

            And Tarvatilliane came again and said, For what?  For an while.  For an while shud we go do sporte, till those who wud crawl are crawling, and any down like logs are stiffning to be rolld away.

            But there came upon his hem a tugging, like unto the gentle intrecession of an invisibol loyal hand.  And he deemd it the wrenche of conscience, which long had he thoght in him expire’d.  And he said unto them there, Some thing new hath risen in my bosom, some flight of inner views with which I needs must bleak contende.  Now therefore be releast, and with me be washt over by a tide of enormis moment, we having resolvd questiens of greatness among the greats (I, as promis’t, emerging on the highside).  And he cat loose the cord of forst enlistment, and let them ramble.  There wud notte be no False Head, after all.

            And Wy-Kye the Utter & Yabbal Oodie the Bullstewer from the Extra Reach of Rector, they went forth outen that place and made right the story in the ears of men, according to convictien more powerful than their memories.  Upon that war of wit (said they) did we defer unto him our host, the Slayer, and shew him courtesy, and in our souls took comfort in conceding to him honorific vict’ry.  But then unto us came he growling, and offending, and despising us against all kind conventien.  Know ye me?  said he.  I am the Slayer, that growleth, & offendeth, & despiseth.  Unto the field of rags with you, said he, Where visiters of your ilk do meet with their uppencomeance.  Well, goode sisters (said Wy & Oodie in the tavrens & the byways).  There dwelleth but such much of courtesy in the soul of evry saint; and Oodie & the Utter, neither are we any saints.  Lissen (said we unto the Slayer, pulling him right aside); we unto thee have accordnd every cordiality, as grateful guests subscribing unto comity.  But thou, thou hast come agrowling upon us, and offending, and despising, that we have reacht the lowest node in our regard of thee as host & man.  This teste of sporte & maiming, in which thou before thy people wudst climb upon our massacrd heads to godhood—unto this call an end, man, lest thy peopel see thee thwarted.  Tarvatillion the Thwart.  Thinq of it, whispre it into thine hands.  An thou enjoy not the sound of it, desist.  For, sure, the end of Tah-Vah-Tee-Un awaiteth thee out there on that field.  This we tolt him, said Wy-Kie & Yabbal Oodie unto the ears of men.

            And paepel fought concerning whethre to believe them or no.  And houses were divided, and brother rose agaynst brother, and husband agaynst concubine, and greatfather agaynst aunt, e’en cursing their own lines and poisoning their pools with invocatiens.  For who may understand the pax taediem , the doldrums of an unwanted peace?