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ut the man wath only evil, tho neither wath he strong. And never hath he capturd any dominien in his house, for that the wife were full of will. And she was an home |
disciple of Muffan the Iron Malagostrogoot, practising home disciplin so sweet & hard in law that she hath accomplisht to rear the sons to cast an assessive eye upon their father’s wickedness; and see, they were turnt out good, neither were they turnt out along lines drewn by their sire. Tho, of course, she hath failt to knock the husbend offen his sin; and he practist it as time allow-ed, and out in the wild.
Now one day said the wife unto him, Hearken, thou wretched husbven, the very same which hast told me of the Devol in thy life—that one also calld nataS, and TwoTwoTwo-By-Three, and the Buff Rummy, and Death Skid. Pah. Where were this friend of thine the Devhel when that our cart was stack in the mud, and those striplings which callt them selfs the Caustic Bards stood by to laff, they with their musicgourds and nosebones and waxt towers of dazzoling green hair? Did that Dhevhuel manifest his sluggard’s hocks there in the muckagoo that bound us, and plant therein his cloven hoofs, and helpf us to push free? Did he stride amidst that taunting rifforaff, kicking leisured loafs and bending idle shoulders to the task? Rather, were he not more like to have lurkt there unseen among the buffoons, aheckling and achortling in concert, e’en as our sinews shredded with exersien and our eyes filld up with sewerage?
And the man answerd and said unto her, He hath helpft me in other ways.
And furthermore said he unto her, Those Caustic Bards were beaten, in the end; for I spreaded some rumors concerning them, and surely were their reputasians dimmd, I wud suppose. The same ’tis with my sons. I have tried all ways that I do know to reach their hearts; for I see us as a team. Yet, for reasons none may cipher, they have slippt my paternol nooses and given me the breeze. And so, I have been forst to a brand of dark recourse, and spreaded some rumors concerning them, and dimmd their reputasiens.
And the wife came again after him, saying, Thou hast of late brought unto me no extracted fatty ointments for my corns, nor no aromatic eastern esters, nor nothing; no tidings of the changing times; nor word of the leprochaun gas wars, upon which we have wagerd our lot with the oddsfixers. Come thou not therefore before my face, bewailing the nuisence that thou experiencest with thy sons, who cause thy cronies of the gloaming to whisper hurting slogans of thee who hast such goody sons.
And she close-ed in upon him, saying, Ears, husbent, for there is more. Thou hast made a bone with the mother of my birth, and hast rung her ears with evil sayings concerning her, which she in her sociedy heareth by gossipers and ulcermongers who share thine own proclividy. Therefore cometh she hither by carovan for to sojourn in our abode, herein to tarry in her airs til her heart be softnd to thine apologies that thou shalt abundant proffer.
Attend now, husbond, for these are her ordinances. She eateth not of the waterfishes, nor partaketh she of birds brought down outen the heaven, nor of the creeping crawling things of the earth. Forsooth, the things which we do eat she eateth not. Her plate in stead may be set with a mince of fiery killpeppers, the which she will send thee forth to find each night upon the wolfy moors. For they must steep in accelerants until the morn, these killpeppers—tho neither o’ersteep, lest they run criticol and flash.
Now moreover must she my mother to have thy greatbed for the while, she being with a composite of afflixiens that settle upon her the priority to comforts, above whosoever hath subority. And I say thee this, that I recall, from her savaging of my father, that she tolerateth no drinkage of spirits, and suffereth no odious things to proceed beneats the roof wherein she dwelleth; therefore change thy life, man-thing, or hap to find it dasht.
And also, thou man, shalt thou to be smoking no more of leaves, wid her about. Leaves, saith she, are for swabbing clean the Spot, after that she hath taken her dumpf; neither are they for any smoking. Saith she, The old man which were my father (Which were my greatfather, saith the wife unto the evil husbent), alway he smake some leaves, depleting all our store tho we his leafless children ran notorius, Spots unswabb-ed—yea, children of the clouds were we calld, amid our clouds of blowflies. At last he chake and died there in his false tranquilidy, the foolsfire yet adangle on his lipp. And I me swear-ed then, saith my mother (saith the wife unto the husbin), Marry, I shall shatter the man who taketh up this idiosy in my sphere.
And also, sirrah (saith the wife unto the evil man her huzzobent), when that my mother is come upon us, and there passeth through our door, must thou to KISS her with a kissing, as ’tis parcel to the civol life we lead, by the Wit Dicta of Muffan M’goot.
And hearing of this kissing, the evil man loseth the immediacy of his awareness, and the poise of his chair, and he goeth over in his chair, and smiteth with enormis impack his head upon a nother chair; and this other chair upon the which he bockt his head went down, being brake; and a nother chair was scootnd, tho neither did it go down. And the wicked man gat no resolve to rise, there among punisht chairs, neither sought his hand the gnot upon his head, for that his mind was borrowd by the void.
For say he search for fiery killpeppers out amid the monstors of night; aleasts the quest take him out for good air, away from this abode of supramaster monstrossody. And say, hap say, that he relinquish up his greatbed unto the queen of slugs; aleasts he hear the mad scratching of the old woman when that the beddieweevils set upon her unaccustomd flesh. And say, in saying, that he be presst to carry on with spiritdrinkage & odiosities elsawheres, on maximem sly; the wider world giveth much to be enjoyd. And say, against the hurt of saying, that his fine leaves for smoking take mean employ aswabbing Spot, to be mired and pitcast. Say all these things. Sure cutsome enow were they, yet hap they be endur-ed till they pass.
But what man, what blazing son of the zodiac, be he dread or célèbre, might so truck in self abasament as to lay lip to that criticol mass of corrosian the Mother of the Wife? Surely this kissment that hath been concocted by his wife, pursuant unto dicta promulgatend by Muffen the
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Goot tho scarce thoght through, were the blackest moment of man, and the downest prospect ever fetcht, of a sunkness like unto which this seasond villain hath ne’er descended.
And the wife seen him pitcht there on the floor, limitless dimensiens of anguish etcht upon his countenance. And she swayd gaily before his glazy eyes, saying again, Yea, thou shalt greet her upon thy stepf, and kiss her with a kissing. And the wife made great sounds of kissing, with thrusting lips.
But she were a wisp and distant thing, a wavring mote on one horizen as he plunge-ed through infinnidy. And he seen the fiery birth of time, and the dawn of the gods; and knew he then the falsity of idols who stood not thereamong, for clear the dawn he seen, and what gods there were. I have fritterd so much time (whispreth he in an unknewn tongue), Cursing gods who never were. Hath mine evil then been less than I did reckon at the time, or hath nude intent well damd me? O, how cud I have knewn which gods to curse? And he seen the rise of law, and the animosity it shew unto natchrol man, who hath his wants. And he seen yin & yank, and he seen thisse & thatte. It mattereth not, all that he did see.
But that wife were not thrue with him, e’en yet; and she said unto him, Husbin. Thou shalt do away with those robber’s rags thou wearest, and shalt adorn thy self in sociel habit that befitteth my mother’s daughter’s huzbun, that her eyes be not blisterd with the acrid spectre thou art. There is little that may be done with thy snarld visage; but the garms we may address. Hie thou now unto The Frippery, and be deckt. Take trade also unto Raiment Alway, and buy there from my friend who is Congress the Woolwoman some elogant compatibols, for sporting before the matron.
luminance
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This Lessen