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Good Bizniss & Terror in Trying

nd it came to pass in those days that down in the villidge of Thaiphus Antiquad dwelt there three goodie brethren whose spittle ne’er did fall upon any man save the

gubnatoric Taxjacker Jaques, the same wheezing stag who calleth him self The Tremendis Official, who the gods in their exaltigus full know deserveth a patch of spittle on his nape.  And upon that very taxojack Jaques [Hock-way] alone did the goo of the brothers rain down from roofs & trees, falling not upon whosomever, but only upon old Jaques the Guvner’s getter.  The same may not to be said of their cudgels, which fell hellish where they fell, all along the sociel chain as feeld correct unto them.

            And the eldest brother was Borhotchus, ardent expositor of hellhammer diplomacies, whose hellhammer settleth his discomfits among men and purgeth out their constipasien in his path.

            And the youngest brother was Coo, a summer lion with chronic visiens of plundring, whose grinning resolve against accelorating them to actualidy marketh him a daisy of forbearance in the world.  Whereas most men of his mood wud ravage & loot, young Coo but narrow-ed his eyes and grinnd.  For this one actified not his mindstream atrocious tho alluring, but pent his spirit and kept him self right standard, be cause that Goodness meand something unto him.  Alway the chance a man might break; yet so far well, with Coo.

            And the diplomasie of Borhotchus and the forbearance of Coo have registerd the brothers prominent upon the Slickliste of Whizzers Civil publisht on the city obelisq, where heroes and the best-of-breed accongregate and enjoy their esteem.

            And the other brother (there being another) was Oochie, who goeth under an schedule of nine common names, nomine genericus, and six proper titles that he hath bought, titulus pompouso transactitoriem.  And he were the middel brother, neither was he older than Borhotchus the Hammer, neither was he younger than the daisyacre Coo.  And he were fame’d for nothing.  But he were there in the middol, ifn they needen any helpf.  (Tho, they said, We need none.)

            Knewn not for any supremacies of his own, being no purger nor no daisy, neither no civil whizzer with esteem, ne’ertheless was Oochie well woven in the canopy of his kin, being one of The III Goodie Brethren.  Tho neither needen the prominent two any of his helpf—never—nor for any thing—yet said they, We pair alone can notte THE THREE BROTHERS be, this from the skin of logick alone.  Be with us, Oochie (said they).

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            Now the wurst thing which these brothers did have was their old wicked father Domi-ninkus.  And tho long they sufferd his efferts to vitiate their sterlin reputatia, yet were they split of him by & by, when that a fanghog went upon him in the highway and chewt him gone.  And finding them selfs liberatend of his madpack stiflery, then embarkt the Brothers upon an hungry survey of excitening trades & perfessiens that haps they desire to pursue.  And backerds & forerds they soard euforic in conference o’er the littny of gainful callings, til by torcher of reason they did fix upon the career knewn as travel accoutrement.

            For they said, The travel accoutrementist [ah-kudə-mahn-tris], he liveth well and setteth a fat table; and all the time, he addeth upon his mansien.  And he hath in his mansien fresh pools of ambrosia water wherein thou mayst bathe and tease after nymphs, and lush vineyards robust with grapes that thou, like as some jowld slobbergod, mayst pluck & molest upon thy tongue.  And he hath cellars & vaults wherein he layeth up new gain amidst the musty residuum of antiqidy.  All this benefit, against no vexatien.  ’Tis a bizniss of wealth widouts trouble, neither doth it burden the mind with any wracking regime of learning at universidy; forsooth, men like unto us may take what we know and commense ’omorrow. 

            And when cray the roosters of morning, arose then the three and set about to commence their bizness in Thaiphus Antiquad and beyond.  And they sought out those who deal in vehicols such as assdonkies & dromedaries & wobblecarts; and they said unto each, Behold, we are The Three Brothers, and we are in bizniss.  Therefore shalt thou bargain not unto others as thou hast done; nay, but thou shalt bargain only unto us thy stocks and their harnesses & tethers, that we might take and bargain unto those others.  For commerse in this land needeth a certain structiture.

            And they went by unto all those who deal in firestones & mapfs & blankets & water gourds & wine bladders & jerkie & saltkippers & stormwraps & ampoules of opium for the trail, and such, and said unto each, We are men of reason; yea, ’tis e’en for a reason we are here.  Henceforth shalt thou bargain not thy goods & wares upon the public, but shalt in stead bargain them unto us alone, the Three Brothers—3B is our stampf—that we might turn and bargain them at profit; for we are in bizniss.

            And the sellers of vehicols, and the merchants of accessorie, they desire-ed straightway to make discussien with the brothers upon these things.  But the brothers said unto them, ’Tis not the bizniss of Discussien that we are in.  And Borhotchus referr-ed them unto the diplomacie of his hellhammer, which alway he hath on stands-by.  And lo, the brothers did welcome into their bosom a rich tide of biznass on that day, for the sellers & the dealers were persuaded to the structiture interdoost.       

            But there was a certain winebladderner who fronted them a pincht visage, saying, This theory of new bizniss that ye propound unto me, it gross disserveth mine nephew Mitchel; and so, the road to you Brothers Three, for I cannot go your game.

            And they looken upon him right quizzicol, Coo through narrowd eyes, grin fallen empty.  And Oochie went hard before the bladdner and said unto him, What hath thine neph-hew Mitchel to do in this?  For ’tis thou who maketh thy bizniss, and thou whose fettle we here do consider.

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            And the bladderat anserd up & said, Verily, it hath fallen to me, by dint of deathbed promise unto my poor brother wasted dead of plague, to see after Mitchel his only begotten son, which he did call the boy.  For through foul & tortured breath said my brother unto me, Keep the boy in bizniss, that his life run marvelis, and my stint on earth be valid tho evil have I done.  And I said unto him, Sure.  And so, nowaday unto Mitchel goeth all my manufaxure of winebladdery, the which he receiveth for to make bladder bizniss of his own upon the public.    

            And Borhotchus, which was tire’d of hearing, took him by his ear and said, No more doth he.  Did not I just say, that we are in bizniss?  Tell this unto thine neph-hew Mitchel.  In our arrival hath he here a boon, a precious chance for to do the right thingue; yet, ’tis also a chance for to err & do the wrongue & face correxien.  Take some faith in thy brother’s son, bladrist.  Cut cord & let him go (and Borhotch letted go the ear, and flickt it), ye two ceasing from your pact of unfair trade.  Trust him to survive out there, to pull it out; thou no longer totest his load.  (And Oochie which was there, he enactnd the casting aside of a load.)

            Then spake the contemplatienal Coo, saying, We Brothers, we can helpf.  Say—we know of a physicien who doth experoments against nature, who alway needen young subjeks like unto Mitchel.  He will pay him adequit, and make something of him beside.  Moreover, unto accusasiens that the physicien is unholy, peace be unto thee; for he hath said that he is not unholy.  Say these things unto this Mitchel when next he come for stockage.  Yet remembre thou to send him gone with none, for that his days in winebladders they are past.    

            And the winebladdnerist he shew unto them a sneer, such as most men ne’er shew.  And he said unto them, Say him them your selfs, ye who wud have them said; for lo, this moment he cometh with stockage on his mind.

            And they lookt, and yaaa! there cometh upon them a great manhogbear like unto none they e’er had seen; and they knowd upon a glance that Mitchel was a monster, being some man & some hog & some bear.  And spume rollt down offen his tusqs, and the claws of his feet diggd the earth, and a spirald tail did spring outen his uncloth-ed hindloaf and did fetch about.  And they did expeck to find also that Mitchal reekt; but when he was drewn near upon, neither did he reek, tho he elsewise was horrabol in the enviroment, with oinqs & growls.  And the brothers were sore afraid, e’en unto Borhotchus of the Hammer were they afraid, and unto Coo of the inner reaving.  And all 3B bizniss fled their minds as terror brake out on their countenances.

            And the winebladderman did mentien unto them, Asides of his trade with me, Mitchel worketh a’ready with that physicien that doth experoments against nature; for he hath quite an outlayment in keepfing up his mansion & its grounds.  Now, gentrymen, what bulletin have ye for his ears, whilst he sniffeth you o’er and considereth to eat you?      

            But the Brothers were like unto a sudden gentle gust, scant rippling the flapfs of the bladderman’s tent in vanishing therethrough for the highway.  Neither more were they concernt with the paltry pickings of this one anomalous operater; there alway wud be creepfs.