Rocket-powered salad with balsamic reductionist dressing

Fromage a trois, fancy plate with teeny bits of three handmade cheeses: goat, sheep and
            Welsh corgi

Duck comfort, a mess o’duck with scraggly greens and unidentifiable fat (possibly
            blubber)

Howdah chowdah, Indian-style soup with fiery spices and charred bits of elephant hide

Main courses

Poison de merde, oceanic excrement from all 7 seas

Cassowary legs a la Chirac, the former premier’s favorite colonial dish, cooked in the
            tradition of Mon Generale Sanders

M-bone steak tartar, rare gristle from genetically modified Patagonian cattle

Oysters Offenbach, a dozen raw bolts of maritime slime set off by frilly leggings and
            shags of wild pampas grass

Hammond eggs, fluffy poachers from the grunge capital of northern Indiana, delicately
            tinged with airborne pollutants

Oeuf de boeuf, a boiled egg cunningly inset in a charred anvil steak, pommes americane
            on the side

Teeny shrimp, a defiantly anti-oxymoronic seafood dish conjured by Cajun malamutes

Desserts

Gelato terrazzo, multifruit squidges with little sticks of crumbly pastry

Crème de hote, a thing like Jell-O, only not

Welsh rarebit, jalapeño Cheez-Whizz on a Ritz cracker

Havah cake, and eat it, too!

Zabbabaglionetti, both unpronounceable and inedible, but molto Itlaiano!

Side dishes

Harvard beats

Yale lox

Potatos a la Dan Quail

Diamond carats