APO  Washington, D.C.

White House propaganda chief Wolf T. Flywheel today announced the founding of a George W. Bush Memorial Lending Library, to be funded and controlled by V.P. Dick Cheney, the Halliburton Corp. and the Amalgamated Military-Industrial Complex of the Western Hemisphere (formerly United States of America). The new library will be located on the front lawn of the White House and will wholly obscure views of that historic and once-significant building.
            To commemorate G.W. Bush’s monumental vacuity, lack of wisdom and non-extant intellectual pursuits, the complex will be shaped like a giant baseball cap, surmounted by a huge bat, catcher’s mitt and baseball.  Serving as a communications mast atop this will be a half-scale model of a West Texas oil derrick which will spout a perpetually recirculating font of crude oil, to remind future people of what petroleum once looked like.
            The library will contain Bush memorabilia, mainly gifts and bribes accumulated from failed financiers, sentence-commuted business moguls, petty dictators, warlords and members of the NRA, plus Sunday collections donated by crazed evangelicals, etc.  It will also house a small collection of Post*It© notes that constitute the former president’s entire handwritten diary for his eight years’ reign.  The walls will display the most famous press photos of Bush mugging for the camera or caught participating in a Watusi welcome dance or an Inuit blubber fest.  The ground floor will contain interactive displays such as Wiffle Tee-Ball, Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Exploding Piñatas, IED Football and other innocent pastimes promoted by the normally sedentary and notably uncoordinated prez.
            Books for the library will be chosen from popular used fiction found at Veterans of America or Goodwill stores, each with a certificate attesting that its title page was skimmed by former first lady Laura Bush in her professional role as kidneygarter book vetter.  Books will be available to borrow at 15 cents per day (strictly enforced). The otherwise empty archives will also display lifelike full-scale replicas of Bush and his cabinet in the War Room, receiving an incoming lecture from guru Karlo Roove, wearing the ceremonial robes of the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way (33^rd degree, Kommandant of Kulture).
            The founding charter of Bush Lending Library, Inc. includes as its mandate “the mission to eradicate functional illiteracy, word-mangling, verbophobia and other afflictions which dogged the unfortunate George W. Bush throughout his career as an opportunistic frontman for moneyed interests, criminal cabals and terroristic vigilantes.”  The creed goes on to promise that “the aim of the Library is to eliminate egregious logoduncery forever from the memory of the Military-Industrial People and their descendunces.”  The announcement was signed illegibly. ###