A public service announcement in behalf of Angina-Aorta Players, Inc. (Tri-Cities of Angina, Aorta and Melonville, Illinois), run for nothing, free and gratis by JPT.

Stunning special cast of local celebrities, including M.T. Soote, market analyst for CCNBCC and the Walt Skeet Journal, Señor Terry del Fewgo (leader of his Seven Syncopating Sp*cs) and DeLilah Drome (busy scribbler of 200+ bodice-rippers under 11 pen names).  Sets by Art N. Struktor, costumes by Eeda Hedd, lighting by Municipal Power, Gas and Electric.

Oct. 14-20   Original musical adaptation of the Bard’s masterwork by local composer Eustace Snoot (originally staged by AAP 1969), using a cast drawn from Angina Consolidated High School and the Aorta Acacacademy for Special Kids.  Omits ghost, murders, revenge, retaliation and gruesome scenes to focus on sweet teenage romance of Ed and Offie, leading to happy ending.  Much singing and dancing, with standout routines from Bud Rosenfeld and Pimples Gildenberg, comic Jews.  Bring the kiddies!  Better than High School Musical!

Nov. 11-17   Mild antiwar comedy from 1963 by all-round theater maestro Don Duffel, designed to mock Elvis even before he got to be hugely fat, a dopehead and dead (originally staged by AAP 1970).  Noted as first onstage rock’n’roll onslaught, now seems quite tame.  Local AAP stalwarts LuLu Loofah and Brian O’Fudge star.  Many yucks, sheer nostalgia about the most popular stage/TV comic crankmill of mid-century America (best known for The Queer Duo and Red, Weight and Glue Gal).  In 1999, to celebrate its centenary, Angina distributed 100 hand-painted fiberglas statues (life size) of genial Don Duffel on its streets. Most were immediately vandalized.

Dec. 19-24   Christmas Special about severely deformed Victorian peasant and his awful life as a sideshow exhibit, first staged by AAP 1981.  Some singing and dancing, but somber and darkish drama for Yuletide purposes.  Stars oldtime AAP hands Fred Murtz and Ethel Gasse, along with spritely newcomers Eugenia Whelk and Artie P. Freely.  Morose Scots playwright Alfred Guppy never again reached the socio-esthetic peak of this 1975 drama.  Not suitable for children, pregnant women or those with notable physical defects.

Jan. 23-27  Classic Roger Hammerhead musical from 1943 about incoming Razorback State and its hordes of injuns, gypsies, cowmen, sheepmen, chickenmen and others, trying to make an honest living in the dreadful place.  Staged by AAP in 1969, 1978, 1984, 1996, 2001—people can’t get enough of it!  Cast of dozens, including ingénue soprano Reeta Buttox, bass baritone Randy Groper and our favorite can-can dancer, Violetta St. Jacques in the famous nightmare sequence.  Sumptuous score, performed by St. Bardolf’s Episcopal Choir and the Melonville Symphonette.   Features all the old familiar hits—“Oh, What a Baleful Mornin’!” “The Cowmen and the Sheep-Shaggers Can’t Be Friends,” “Poor Bud is Buggered,” “Everything’s Up to Date in Toad Suck Ferry,”  “The Flurry with the Singe on Top.” Come and chortle along!

Feb. 14-21  We scraped up an all-black cast for this reprise of an old b & w movie (transferred to stage in 1966, first staged by AAP 1988), featuring lots of spirited Afro-American stuff like blues, spirituals, field hollers, work songs and tap-dancing (featuring our own far-famed Melonville duo of Briggs & Stratton).  Many immortal ditties like “Windyish Weather,” “Old Man Rivulet,” “Accent-U-Ate the Ab-So-Lute.”  Accompanied by Zephod Leech and his 4 Bluzishins.  Don’t miss it!

March 22-29   To balance the February production above, we have assembled an all-white cast of tens in a sparkling adaptation of L. Fred Bumme’s 1902 kids’ novel, made into 23 movies, 11 dramas, 34 musicals, 16 TV productions by hacks everywhere.   This version debuted in 1971, AAP staging in 1989.  Singing and cavorting for cast of limited abilities, musical numbers frankly lifted from old hymnals and grade school songbooks.  You’ll recognize many tunes as “Comin’ Round the Mountain,” “Wim-o-way,” Eensy Weensy Spider,” “The Worms Crawl In,” “Old Hundredth,” “Oh, Lovely Appearance of Death,” “In the Upper Room,” etc.  Piano accompaniment on the level of “Chapsticks” or “Heart o’Mine.”  Listless dance routines by the Lilliput Lollipops and Flying Monkeys R Us.