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 (www.hohohouse.gasm) A lewd and lascivious display of feminine charms au naturale. Shameless illustration in disgusting photo-pix of sexual practices no God-fearing ordinary person who has sex without removing undies could ever imagine: Archimedes’ screw, the rim shot, the piston ring, the sleeve job, the freudian half-slip, the blow-out, No. 35 (“ole triente-funf” in the vernacular) and many others too revolting even to denominate! Long so-called sex manual attached, with arty references to Hindoo, Esquimaux, Malteser, Melungeon and other other-cultural practices of a debasing heathen nature. Don’t look!
 (www.praxisaxis.crump) For those klassikally deficient. A site based on Odysseus’ descent to the Underworld in Odyssey Bk. X. The wandering hero is led by morphendyke Phecies the Profit, who re-introduces O. to old army buddies from the Trojan War like Ajax the Fomenting Klenzer, Achilles the Heel, Edipuss Wrex and other statistically improbable wonder-workers. Someone tells O. to put an oar from his ship on his shoulder and walk inland until an uncouth hayseed sez, “Hey, what’s that thang?” and there O. can escape from the infernal sea and his pointless wanderings. Big deal! Full of fonus-balonus spoutings about so-called Greek so-called foolosofy and other deviant distractions that may lure us into hedonism, stoicism, reductionism, Buchmanism and other dead-end cult beliefs. Don’t listen to it!
 (www.historix.prang) Goofy site where obnoxious Webbers create alternative histories (or counter-factualisms to the veddy hoity-toity) to repair “errors in the space-time continuum fabric.” The most doofless specimens: “Hitler Wins! Jews Go Poof!” “Aztecs Rule: Human Flesh Is Yummy!” “Columbus Misses, Discovers India!” “Nixon Unimpeached, U.S. Sold to Argentina!” “J. Caesar Not Assassinated, Nobody Notices.” Such contributors as Scintilla the Hun (great-grandson to the 3rd power of Attila the Hun), Napoleon XVII, Aaron Burr XI, Cleopatra S. Needle, Princess Anastasia, Marie Antoinette Jackson, Queen Marie of Rumania, the Lost Dauphin, Judge Krater I, Dame Ophecleide Schiesspantz, Ubu Roi the 6th . Plans for a movie series and X-Box SupraGame. Don’t read it!
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Complete the following philosophical observation with a penetrating conclusion of your own devising. Grand prize: one year’s FREE subscription to jpt. Don’t miss a single tingulating issue!!! Delivered to your home or office computer via old reliable Internet transmission. THE STATEMENT:
Men never believe anything women say, because _________________. (complete in 25 wds. or less)
(Ex.: “it is evolutionarily advantageous never to listen to women, ever since men were eaten by saber-toothed tigers while going to the grocery store on ‘just a little errand.’”) [28 wds.—foul!]
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luminance
