"We are in Hell." "I am in Heaven." Who's right? Can this little trolley-stop we call here somehow be pulling double duty as both a cauldron of torment and the bosom of bliss? The practical researcher asks a different question: how many people sigh that they're presently in Heaven or complain of Hell-mire whether or not they believe it literally?

The Fondlegod Group has released preliminary findings in the exploratory phase of its heralded Project Illuminon, in this instance analyzing searchable online utterings. The following specific phrasings were "Googled," with the number of results shown for each arrangement:

"We are in Hell" 26,300.
"I am in Hell" 159,000
"We are in Heaven" 62,600.
"I am in Heaven" 154,000.

Contractions (We're, I'm and Im) were examined but excluded because of confounding search-result oddities and distortion by the prominent titles of songs and television shows.

Conclusions: 45% of subjects found themselves in Hell, 55% in Heaven. Of the 185,333 subjects reporting tenures in Hell, 86% were self-absorbed ("I"), only 14% community-aware ("we"). Of the 216,600 in Heaven, 29% were community-minded (more than double the proportion of Helliards-- a lesson there?), 71% self-focused.

Experience assures us that a considerable but unknown portion of subjects were expressing figures of speech as opposed to literal philosophical convictions. However, the literal-belief crowd, some reporting Heaven, some Hell, would warrant an admonishment that people can be wrong on either side of an issue.

—————————————————————Fondlegod has opined.