| The Journal of Provincial Thought |
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----STAR BURNED OUT?
Share with loved ones your devotion to the Earth by naming an enduring grain of sand for them in the International Grain of Sand Registry! (Psst-- be sure to reserve one for ol' Numero Uno, too!)
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"As limitless as the grains of the sand, so too my love for you!" True yesterday... always... true now like never before! It's the perfect sharing way to memorialize the limitlessness of the love you share with him/her and that at the same time he/she shares with you in return! Imagine strolling hand in hand in hand at sunset on some magic beach, knowing that out there are your grains!
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That’s right, somewhere beneath your shoeless feet and playing their patient, all-natural role in the nature of our planet, like miniscule soul mates, are two very special granular miracles of Mother Earth's sacred union with Father Time, or
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With IGSR, Here’s what you get for your $119.99 contribution! YOUR NAME OF CHOICE certified to uniquely denominate one of the proud micro-pillars of the foundation of nature doing its part to inform the structure of our world!
INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED AROUND THE WORLD! |
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And that’s not all! You get one name registered alongside one grain’s image in the plush official catalog housed in the International Grain of Sand Registry Building situated just forty miles from paradisiacal
To Hades with so-called "stars" that no one can say if they’re about to go out! A lot of disappointed lovers have signed up for stars one day, and strolled to the observatory to view them the next night and they were gone! Some had even become black holes! Yet, the slick ads in so-called “popular” magazines never mention this! And look how far away they are-- no sense of intimacy there! Plus every one of them has probably accumulated an endless boring roster of names in the alien tongues of beings on thousands of stargazing planets! Who calls that “special”? It gets worse! Astronomers tell us that inhabitants of distant star systems are likely to be HOSTILE! Who wants their name on a star whose creatures want to decimate our world and that perhaps crave the flesh of our children? Instead, why not go for a comforting grain of the friendly sands of our own dear Earth... and let no one doubt your loyalty!
The reputation of your taste and that of your devotion-- hence in large part your worth as a person-- hang in the balance! So, do what the pros are doing and “seal it with sand!”
PLUS! For an additional $69.99 contribution we will deliver to your door YOUR ACTUAL ALL-NATURAL GRAIN ITSELF, which skilled engineers have isolated and put to work in a handsome polyethylene hourglass! Think of THAT! Your special grain of Earth sand, named just for you, intrepidly marking Time in prominent desktop display in your home, office or cubicle! Try that with a star! Approved for spirited conversation! (If it should happen to win you a second lover, well, that's your affair!) Shipping, handling and taxes extra!
Get out your pencil and call today to find out when our intermediary will be in YOUR area! Our number can be obtained by mail from the postal address posted on our website at personalgrain.igsr.con! You’ll be glad you did! ACT NOW, THE REGISTRY IS FILLING UP FAST! DON’T MISS THIS GREATEST
WARNING! Someday soon, a scientific council will ABOLISH all the names that customers have been misled into registering, at great cost, with self-serving STAR-NAMING REGISTRIES! That’s because the council wants to name them itself with ugly Orwellian numbers instead of names having deep personal meaning! IF THEY TRY THIS WITH THE SAND THEY’LL BE LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN! This is the safest name-memorializing investment your hard-earned dollars can buy! Again, ACT NOW, THE REGISTRY IS FILLING UP FAST!
***Lots of Plusses!***
***Lots of Prestige!***
***It's Just Plain Cool!***
This message approved by The International Grain of Sand Registry, LLC.!
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*photographer’s professional opinion!
| jptArchive Issue 6 |
| Copyright 2008- WJ Schafer & WC Smith - All Rights Reserved |